Developing Self-Regulation Skills in Young Children

As parents and caregivers, one of our key responsibilities is to help young children develop self-regulation skills.

Self-regulation refers to a child’s ability to manage their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in response to different situations.

It is an essential skill for success in school, relationships, and life in general.

Parents frequently ask me what they can do to help their child with self regulation. Here are my top 20 strategies to help young children develop their self regulation skills.

10 Strategies to Help Develop Self Regulation Skills

Here are some tips and strategies to help young children develop self-regulation skills:

1. Model self-regulation behaviors yourself.
   
   It’s important to remember if you are not regulated, it will be hard for your child to be regulated.
   
   Young children will use the adults around them to co-regulate.
   
   If you are not calm it’s hard to expect your child to be calm.
2. Provide a consistent routine and structure for your child.
   
   This includes mealtimes and bedtimes.
   
   Remember to keep a schedule on the weekends too.
3. Give your child opportunities to make choices and take ownership of their decisions.
   
   Kids like to feel like they have some control too.
   
   Offering choices can be a great way to let your little one be part of things.
4. Encourage physical activity and outdoor play.
   
   Swimming, horseback riding, or good old playground fun are all great activities for little ones.
5. Teach your child deep breathing and other calming techniques.
   
   There is loads of research proving that meditation and deep breathing work.
   
   It’s never too young to start.
   
   Many mediation apps have a kid section. The Calm app is one of my favorites.
6. Provide sensory input, such as soft blankets, lamp light instead of overhead light, or fidget toys.
   
   Noise-canceling headphones also work great.
7. Use positive reinforcement and praise your child’s efforts.
   
   Remember to focus on the good stuff.
   
   We all respond better to praise than we do to criticism.
8. Create a calm and peaceful home environment.
   
   It can be hard for children to “calm down” in a chaotic environment.
   
   Make sure to have a quiet and peaceful place in your house your child can go to relax.
9. Avoid over-scheduling your child’s day.
   
   Kids don’t need to be involved in everything or “kept busy”.
   
   Children need downtime. It’s ok for them to get bored.
10. Encourage socialization with peers and positive relationships.
    

Additional Strategies

Here are 10 additional strategies to help your child with their self regulation.

1. Set clear expectations and boundaries for behavior.
   
   Sometimes, with dysregulation can come poor behavior.
   
   It happens, but make sure there are clear boundaries.
   
   It is never ok for children to act out physically just because they are dysregulated.
2. Use visual cues and schedules to help your child understand expectations.
   
   This tip is especially great for young children who can’t tell time.
   
   Visual schedules can help children understand what’s coming next.
3. Provide opportunities for your child to practice problem-solving skills.
   
   Try not to solve every problem for your child, but instead try asking them “what do you think we should do?”
4. Encourage your child to express their emotions and validate their feelings.
   
   We often say things like “calm down”, “don’t cry”, or “you’re ok”.
   
   This can teach kids to ignore their own feelings.
   
   Instead, we need to teach kids that it’s ok to feel whatever they are feeling.
   
   It’s ok to be sad and cry or to be angry or hurt.
5. Use mindfulness exercises to help your child stay focused and present.
6. Teach your child to identify their triggers and how to manage them.
   
   A good way to start off is “I noticed when ________ happens, you seem sad……”
7. Encourage healthy eating habits and adequate sleep.
8. Provide opportunities for creative expression, such as art or music.
9. Practice gratitude and positive thinking.
   
   Make sure to model this kind of positive behavior for your child.
10. Seek professional help if you have concerns about your child’s behavior or development.
    
    There are many disciplines that can help including a psychologist, an occupational therapist, or your child’s pediatrician.

Expert opinion: There are a lot of programs out there that try and teach self regulation and good behavior through forced compliance.

I have never been a fan of these programs and there are many adults who have been through these programs that are now speaking out about the trauma they endured as children.

I feel strongly it is critical to listen to these voices and base approaches and treatment around programs that do not require forced compliance.

Expert tip: Lastly remember kids need to LEARN how to self regulate.

We often have the expectation they will already know how to do this, but they need to be taught and given the opportunity to learn.

Learning is not a straight line up, there will be some bumps in the road, and it’s ok to have a bad day (or several bad days).

With your help and guidance you children will learn how to self-regulate.

You’ve got this!